Follow the Creek

So I’m at a reunion for one of the many treatment facilities I’ve attended in the last several years. One of the staff here has been generously open about his recovery journey of over 30 years. Today he shared a story from his past that really touched me.  

One of the elders from his native faith tradition, during a time in which he was experiencing deep personal struggle, told him cryptically, to simply “Follow the Creek.”.   That’s it, no elaboration. As was tradition in his faith, he knew not to question the advice given, but simply to ponder it for at least three days and three nights.  But after the elapsed time, he felt exasperated by the cryptic advice, and returned to the elder in frustration, begging for further wisdom.  The elder relented, with the following explanation.
The Creek always wanders – sometimes East, sometimes West. It never follows a straight path. But it unfailingly heads towards it’s destination. This is like your recovery. You may wander, you may veer off course in one direction or another at times. But if you continue to Follow the Creek, you can rest assured that you will never truly be lost, and eventually you will reach your destination. 

Friends, I’ve veered off course so many times in the past year, and lately I’ve become afraid that I’ve lost sight I’ve my destination.  But today, listening to this story, I realized something. I’m still FOLLOWING THE CREEK.  

Yes, I’m struggling to eat right now. That’s the damned truth of it. I’m lucky if I eat what amounts to half a meal a day at this point. I’m fighting with my kid every day, still trying to reassert my role as parent after the chaos of active addiction over the past year.  I’m fighting off a deep depression, feeling defeated by circumstances that feel out of my control.

But I haven’t given in. I’m sober. I’m working my steps. I’m at this reunion, trying to reconnect to what made me go to eating disorder treatment in the first place. I’m trying to use all the tools I’ve learned in my decades of therapy to remind myself that my mood is maleable and I CAN choose happiness.  I’m trying to honor E’s life, my lovely little spitfire, by creating a life full of… Well, LIFE.

So, for this moment, I’m grateful. Grateful that I was placed in this moment in time, to hear this story, and receive this reminder.  Thank the Universe I’m still following my Creek. Wherever it’s leading. 

Let the journey begin.

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